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Christmas is a time of joy, however if you are separated or separating from your partner it can be anything other than joyous especially when there are children involved.
Although the issue of contact is at the forefront of everybody’s mind when it comes to separating this becomes even more important at Christmas time and can become a time of conflict rather than peace.
Even if a court order is in place which sets out when contact takes place it can sometimes be vague about the issue of contact at Christmas which can lead to further arguments and disagreements.
The main things to remember when trying to sort the Christmas arrangements are:
- Address the issue as early as possible: Leave enough time to explore other options to resolve the issue if you are unable to reach an agreement with the other parent, but remember referring the matter to the court will not guarantee you the arrangements that you want and may leave you in a worse position. The court do not have much time in the run up to Christmas and may not be able to give the issue the consideration required.
- Try and communicate: This does not necessarily have to be verbally if this leads to arguments and can be by email or text message. Any agreement reached by both the parents will always be far more attractive than one imposed upon them by the court. If consideration is given early enough to the issue it may be possible to request the assistance of a third party such as a mediator to help take the heat out of the situation and help you reach an agreement. Above all keep it civil and don’t use emotive language.
- Compromise: Be prepared to be flexible and compromise on the arrangements for the children. Everybody wants to spend Christmas eve and Christmas morning with their children and if this is not possible use it as a chance to start new traditions which are special to just you and the children which will provide them with happy memories in the future.
- Remember the children. Younger children aren’t as bothered about when they spend time with their parents just that they spend time with both their parents at some point (and they get presents). Our experience is that the need to spend Christmas day with the children is more of a need of the parents than the children and there is no reason why the children cannot have two Christmas days experiencing the magic with both parents. Children want to remember a Christmas filled with love and happiness not one with arguments and recriminations. Always remember to keep any disagreements away from the children.
- Stick to the arrangements: A last minute change to the plans agreed can cause untold damage. Changing things or arriving late without a good reason can cause stress for the parents and the children spoiling the experience with them.
If you are a separated parent who would like further advice and assistance regarding this issue or any other issue arising following a relationship breakdown please do not hesitate to contact Nowell Meller Solicitors on either 01782 813315 or 01785 252377 or by email to sarah.thomas@nowellmeller.co.uk. Our specialist Family Team offer advice and representation. Contact us now to book your free initial consultation to discuss the options available to you.
